Call Your Friends (Instead of Always Relying on Texts)

Do you rely almost entirely on texts and emails to communicate with friends? Like many people with a smartphone, I’ve leaned towards texting and emailing, but I’ve been working on fitting phone calls back into my life.

It’s hard to deny that the ease of texts and emails comes at the expense of intimacy. Sure, with texts and emails (and social media’s various messages, comments, and hearts) we can stay in touch with more friends on a consistent basis, but how deep do those friendships feel over time if we do not speak to those friends on the phone, or even better, see friends in person?

In 2016 I read an article by Kate Murphy in The New York Times called “Do Your Friends Actually Like You?”. The article focused on a study showing that it’s possible half of our friendships are not mutual. But what stayed with me these past three years is a quote Murphy shared from Professor Ronald Sharp, who, at the time of Murphy’s article, taught a course at Vassar College on the literature of friendship.

Professor Sharp was quoted as saying, “The notion of doing nothing but spending time in each other’s company has, in a way, become a lost art, replaced by volleys of texts and tweets. . . People are so eager to maximize efficiency of relationships that they have lost touch with what it is to be a friend.” Murphy also came to the conclusion that the problem of mutuality in the perception of friendships may stem from confusion these days on the difference between being friends and acquaintances.

My mother, who is in her 70s, read the article and immediately told me she did not have this problem of confusing her real friends and her acquaintances and couldn’t think of anyone in her life who did. She simply felt the article did not resonate for her generation. When I asked her why, she said, “I’ve always talked to my close friends on the phone.”

Indeed, I remember the giant phone cord stretched around the kitchen in many of my childhood memories. I always knew who my mom’s close friends were since they were the ones she was speaking to on the other end of those calls. My mom still calls her friends whether she wants to catch up with friends or simply make plans. I know she’s on to something. Even if I only speak to friends on the phone once in a…